hell yes lets make some ravioli
one might say we're banned from that church
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Still dying that you shit outside
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
