the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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