i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
