cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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