we have officially lost it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Help me help you realize you are a moron
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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