At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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