dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
