Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
