after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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