Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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