So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
