i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
