I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
