How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
