i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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