I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
