Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
