we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
