I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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