the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
