i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
