My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
