she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Enjoy the penises
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
