We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
