we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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