Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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