I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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