Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
