So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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