I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my liver is dry heaving
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
