You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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