party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
