I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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