he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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