Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want her autograph on my taint
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
