i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
