I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
