i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
