Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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