She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
