well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
