i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
