why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
