On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As shirtless as possible
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
