there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
