your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
