Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
