he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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