I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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