none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Farmville is her only friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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