I'm gonna have a badass scar
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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