The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
