I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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