I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
