Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
