Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
